"It'll take time."
That's what everyone said, but how much time?
It's been exactly one year since I moved here. The average story: grew up in the city and was then moved to the suburbs. And as I sit in English class right now, pretending to listen to my teacher ramble, I realize I dont fit in.
When I look around the room at the people, I feel like it's a movie. People are there hanging out and im just a spectator. The guys are fooling around, the girls are trying so hard to make them notice them. I cant even pretend that any of them are my friends. The closet friend I have is Kelly. I dont even really care about her. She is just someone to talk to in science with. It's not like i hang out with her outside of that class. And it's not like I would want to. Having a friend would mean opening up and where do I begin? Better yet, what would she say when she saw the shack I live in? These kids are all rich, living in mansions, and driving cars daddy bought them.
I miss the city. No one cared what my family was like cause there everyone had problems and didnt hold you to the family you were raised. No one cared about my house there. They didnt care how much money I had or if i got my nails done every week. Days like this, make me miss having friends. If I was back home I would be in a pizza shop with Alex and Jenn. But, Alex is gone now. I still have his contact saved in my phone. He wasn't even sixteen when he passed. If he was around still he would probably tell me to suck it up and make friends. Cause nobody wants to be friends with someone depressing. It wouldn't even be the same if I still lived there. Cause he wouldnt be there. I heard Jenn moved to Ireland this summer. I wonder if she thinks of me from time to time.
The clock said 1:50. Three minutes until I leave this hell and go somewhere I hate more. Work. Where I serve annoying customers and make minimum wage. I'm fourteen and nobody in my grade has a job. None of them need one. Little do any of them know that I'm paying part of the morgatge on my house. But i guess that means there is one place worse then work and school. And that is my house. After work I'll probably head to the music store. It's better then going home. Spend my time staring at guitars I wish I could have, but my guitar at home isnt bad. My sister bought it for me on my 10th birthday. That was a good year. There wasn't as many problems back then.
Now look at me, I'm fourteen. A drunk for a father. A mother who is sick. One of my only friends is dead. I'm broke. I have no one to talk to at all. When will I find where I fit in?
Although I don't know you, and I've only read this, I look up to you, I can tell you are so strong. Keep hanging on, my friend gave me advice to me that helped me a lot " Don't move on, because you'll be forgetting the ones you love, move forward, because you're leaving a path of love behind you" I just moved into an area where people are "better off" It's hard. While my friends go places, I have to stay home because gas prices are too much on my mom. I know what you mean about not having any friends, I still don't have really close friends I can talk to. By reading this, I realize I'm lucky I still have friends that aren't close by, but I can still talk to. I don't blame you for not moving on, It would take me years just to suck up the realization that my friend died.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the posts!
Someday, you will fit in.
ReplyDeleteYou seem intelligent to me, you have a good command of words and seem a nice, helpful person. Life will get better, and you will come out on top for being so good.