Does love exist? I mean true love. One between two people who care about one another so dearly. If it does exist, could it happen to someone like me? No, of course not. My head needs to think straight. Get A's, make enough cash to go to college, and become a writer. That is my plan, so why is he trying so hard to mess this up? He is Brad. He is screwing with my head.
He is the opposite of me. He's that cocky guy who everyone knows. That all the sluts try to get with and all the boys are 'bros' with. He comes from money, but who from this town doesn't? He thinks he's everything. Why does he even want to get to know me?
He says I'm different. Am I different because I'm the only girl who isn't impressed by his arogance. He says he's different, but I dont believe. Why am I even thinking about this? We wouldn't work. I'm a realist. I'm not in some cheesy movie, where the guy becomes a prince and sweeps her off her feet. Real life princes, like him, don't go for people below them. He should be with someone around his status.
My plan was to stay under the radar. Why did he notice me? I can hear Jenn now "This is perfect" she believed in fairy tales. She loved things like this. Alex would be more on my side "This isn't some west side story. Be friendly, but don't be stupid"
I can't get caught up in stuff like this. Since Brad came into the picture, so did a girl not so kind. Miranda. The Ex. The girl who since I got into this town has been giving me a rough time. This just gave her more of a reason. This was really messing up my plans. Just breathe.....finish high school in three years.....get a free ride to Brown.....become a writer. Then, and only, maybe then I can have a social life.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
One Year And Still Not Adjusted
"It'll take time."
That's what everyone said, but how much time?
It's been exactly one year since I moved here. The average story: grew up in the city and was then moved to the suburbs. And as I sit in English class right now, pretending to listen to my teacher ramble, I realize I dont fit in.
When I look around the room at the people, I feel like it's a movie. People are there hanging out and im just a spectator. The guys are fooling around, the girls are trying so hard to make them notice them. I cant even pretend that any of them are my friends. The closet friend I have is Kelly. I dont even really care about her. She is just someone to talk to in science with. It's not like i hang out with her outside of that class. And it's not like I would want to. Having a friend would mean opening up and where do I begin? Better yet, what would she say when she saw the shack I live in? These kids are all rich, living in mansions, and driving cars daddy bought them.
I miss the city. No one cared what my family was like cause there everyone had problems and didnt hold you to the family you were raised. No one cared about my house there. They didnt care how much money I had or if i got my nails done every week. Days like this, make me miss having friends. If I was back home I would be in a pizza shop with Alex and Jenn. But, Alex is gone now. I still have his contact saved in my phone. He wasn't even sixteen when he passed. If he was around still he would probably tell me to suck it up and make friends. Cause nobody wants to be friends with someone depressing. It wouldn't even be the same if I still lived there. Cause he wouldnt be there. I heard Jenn moved to Ireland this summer. I wonder if she thinks of me from time to time.
The clock said 1:50. Three minutes until I leave this hell and go somewhere I hate more. Work. Where I serve annoying customers and make minimum wage. I'm fourteen and nobody in my grade has a job. None of them need one. Little do any of them know that I'm paying part of the morgatge on my house. But i guess that means there is one place worse then work and school. And that is my house. After work I'll probably head to the music store. It's better then going home. Spend my time staring at guitars I wish I could have, but my guitar at home isnt bad. My sister bought it for me on my 10th birthday. That was a good year. There wasn't as many problems back then.
Now look at me, I'm fourteen. A drunk for a father. A mother who is sick. One of my only friends is dead. I'm broke. I have no one to talk to at all. When will I find where I fit in?
That's what everyone said, but how much time?
It's been exactly one year since I moved here. The average story: grew up in the city and was then moved to the suburbs. And as I sit in English class right now, pretending to listen to my teacher ramble, I realize I dont fit in.
When I look around the room at the people, I feel like it's a movie. People are there hanging out and im just a spectator. The guys are fooling around, the girls are trying so hard to make them notice them. I cant even pretend that any of them are my friends. The closet friend I have is Kelly. I dont even really care about her. She is just someone to talk to in science with. It's not like i hang out with her outside of that class. And it's not like I would want to. Having a friend would mean opening up and where do I begin? Better yet, what would she say when she saw the shack I live in? These kids are all rich, living in mansions, and driving cars daddy bought them.
I miss the city. No one cared what my family was like cause there everyone had problems and didnt hold you to the family you were raised. No one cared about my house there. They didnt care how much money I had or if i got my nails done every week. Days like this, make me miss having friends. If I was back home I would be in a pizza shop with Alex and Jenn. But, Alex is gone now. I still have his contact saved in my phone. He wasn't even sixteen when he passed. If he was around still he would probably tell me to suck it up and make friends. Cause nobody wants to be friends with someone depressing. It wouldn't even be the same if I still lived there. Cause he wouldnt be there. I heard Jenn moved to Ireland this summer. I wonder if she thinks of me from time to time.
The clock said 1:50. Three minutes until I leave this hell and go somewhere I hate more. Work. Where I serve annoying customers and make minimum wage. I'm fourteen and nobody in my grade has a job. None of them need one. Little do any of them know that I'm paying part of the morgatge on my house. But i guess that means there is one place worse then work and school. And that is my house. After work I'll probably head to the music store. It's better then going home. Spend my time staring at guitars I wish I could have, but my guitar at home isnt bad. My sister bought it for me on my 10th birthday. That was a good year. There wasn't as many problems back then.
Now look at me, I'm fourteen. A drunk for a father. A mother who is sick. One of my only friends is dead. I'm broke. I have no one to talk to at all. When will I find where I fit in?
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